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If The Onion covered Knox County politics…
Posted By katie allison granju
….it might read something like this very funny bit from Knoxville’s best satirist, Scott McNutt:
Knox County Mayor Clears Himself After ‘Grueling’ Self-Interrogation
From wire reports. The Knox County Mayor revealed today that he had cleared himself of all inappropriate p-card activities after what he described as a “grueling, hours-long question-and-answer session” with himself.
“I was very, very tough on myself,” the mayor stated. “I broke down several times under my own questioning. I admitted that mistakes were made. I acknowledged that better records should have been kept.”
But, even under such close questioning from himself, he told himself that, despite missing receipts, he knew, in his heart, he was serving the county.
“I really grilled myself about the missing receipts,” the mayor said. “But then, I looked myself in the eye, and I told myself, ‘Wherever there are missing receipts, whatever I was doing, I know, in my heart, that I was serving the county’s interests.’ And you know? I believed me. I was very sincere.”
The mayor also said that he came away from the Q&A session with a renewed respect for his administration’s accomplishments — and for his own integrity. “I can honestly say that I’m impressed with the things we’ve done — a wheel tax, a ’special assistant’ departing under a cloud of suspicion, four senior administrators resigning in the wake of the p-card scandal, and yet we have a new veterans home, a great network of senior centers, four new schools and academic improvement in schools. And I am highly impressed with myself that I can talk honestly about my record like that.”
But, the mayor insists, there’s room for improvement. In the future, he’ll keep a closer watch on his own activities. “Obviously, some things could have been done better on my watch. So, from now on, I’ll be watching myself more closely. I promise the citizens of Knox County that if I make a p-card purchase, I’ll be the first to know about it. Don’t worry. I really put the fear of myself into me. I don’t want to go through another self-interrogation again. I mean, I’m merciless.”
Mar 20th, 2008
Now, that’s funny!
and the follow-up:
“Were Mayor’s Civil Rights Violated During Self-Interrogation?
From wire reports. Amid revelation of full-body cavity searches and harsh interrogation techniques, the Knox County Mayor came forward and asked if his civil rights were violated during what is increasingly seen as a brutal round of self-interrogation….”
You couldn’t make this stuff up!