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A hypothetical John Wilder vs. Doug Henry smackdown
Posted By katie allison granju
Now this is funny.
From this week’s Nashville Post “Political Futures Index”:
The month of March is almost gone, so it’s time to check your political portfolio. Who is up, who is down and who needs to keep either their mouth or their fly zipped? Yup, it’s NashvillePost.com’s monthly Political Futures Index.
To shake things up a bit this month, we’re taking a look at the scandal sheet. Nationally, New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer took a fastball to the chin with a sex scandal that ended his political career, Presidential candidate Barack Obama has had to defend his choice of churches and the Tennessee Republican Party had to defend their choice of what to call Barack Obama.
Let’s take a look at the Big Board:
Sex with someone not your spouse (opposite sex) - Buy
Henry Kissinger said that power is the greatest aphrodisiac, and there is bipartisan support in the view that Henry is not a looker. While we have recently had Sen. David Vitter in Louisiana and Spitzer in New York, there is always a bull market for bordello aficionados.
Sex with someone not your spouse (same sex) - Sell
This stock has performed stronger than anyone has expected in recent history, but we expect it will be a while before this one comes out of the closet again. The poster boy for this one is former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey, but for listing purposes we’ll include U.S. Senator Larry Craig and former Florida Congressman Mark Foley as well.
Assault - Buy
The most famous assault by a politician in American history was when a deeply offended Congressman Preston Brooks of South Carolina took a cane to the side of Massachusetts U.S. Senator Charles Sumner’s head in 1856. While these sort of things are still common in places like South Korea, it’s been too long since it’s happened here.
But there is still time: John Wilder vs. Doug Henry could be billed as the “Rumble in the Mumble.”
So here’s the question we’re left with: which courtly fella would walk away the winner?
Mar 28th, 2008
